There was a time when I ambitiously thought that I
would be consistent about my writing here. It is not surprising really that
this endeavor has more or less dropped off of the map. Does this reflect some
inner reality that I am truly not good at seeing anything through? Going that
direction, it would be easy to conclude that I am some sort of failure on some
terms. The last time that anything was written on this somewhat introspective
blog was January. That was almost a year ago now. And while it would be all
fine and good to wax poetic about all of the changes that have happened, and
the moments that are gone, I would much prefer to dwell on what is here and
now. I want to focus on the tangible.
Understanding comes over time. Lots, and lots, and
lots of time. It is what makes a lot of living more exciting and real. If we
always knew the answer to every moment that breaks against the shore of
experience, we would be cursed to the dull motions of monotony. But I didn't
come back here in order to point out the obvious. Rather, I want to quietly
make my mark.
That is the reason for this space, isn't it? I
write so that I will be able to be heard, and understood, and loved. I am
terrified of being inadequate, and I hate the idea of fading into obscurity.
And there is something fundamentally wrong with that. The fact of the matter
is, my searing individualism misses the point that the truths of the Kingdom of
Heaven are totally paradoxical to the ideas I have fit into my skull. We are
called to be less, so that Christ would be elevated. It is a subtle irony that
I am still writing this with the intent of allowing others to read. Stick with
me. I am bringing this one home.
As I discover who I am as the creative individual
that God has created me to be, I find that as a bearer of the divine image, I
feel wonderfully inadequate. As a matter of fact, that is exactly what I am. I
am totally unworthy of having the Ruler of the universe not only model me after
Himself, but then give me the new Spirit of Himself in me. I have been changed
from someone unworthy, to someone who is wholly other; it is just another
example of God's divine paradox.
Therefore, I write, because I want to be heard, and I want to be known.
The beautiful thing is that I have been, and will continue to be, by my Lord
and Savior. And although time runs away from me, and I forget that this space
even exists, I will always reflect these musings back to the Spring of
Knowledge and Creativity.
