Abstract

Over spring tour this year I was asked to share my testimony for one of our concerts. I wanted to share about what God had been teaching me and showing me the past year, but couldn't think of a better way to share than in a poem. It was written on the thirteenth of March 2014. I have typed it up for you to read and dwell on.

Abstract

Is your god an abstraction? A taste of divine?

Not cut out of marble, but wrought of the mind.

Perhaps we would balk, and firmly decline,

The accusation that we’ve formed him into our image.

But, I must resign myself to the claim,

That I end each prayer in Jesus’ name,

Yet don’t believe what He really said.

At least, not really. Not outside of my head.

Righteousness, grace, salvation, and hope

All words I have turned into concepts.

Wrapped in neat bows, handed over by the one

Who earned them? Or, could it be,

That He is them.

The body and blood that we take—the same

As the one who walked that forlorn path.

Could incarnation be saving?

But no, I shut my mind to the notion.

A careful observation clearly shows that one must

Live to die—so that’s it. That’s it?

Christ’s conception, God-man Himself is of no consolation?

What if Christ lived to redeem? Became us—exactly.

Sinful yearnings, yet always pure,

Man of sorrows—acquainted with every grief.

Could Jesus really know my twisted desires?

Could He really, really mean we are united to

One like us?

We are not given goodness in a box.

Jesus does not point to salvation

He is our Salvation, Resurrection, Bread. Of. Life.

Our relationship to God is not about now He thinks of us,

Now, we are united.

To God Himself.

It is not “as if” we are part of His body.

Our flesh intermingles—everything rides on that.

And oh! What joy it brings.

No longer mustering up righteous deeds.

Way to the Father—“Come to me.”

Truth Everlasting—“From sin set free.”

Life in me—“Never again be thirsty”

Freedom, sweet freedom. Law cannot bind.

Savior, my Jesus, forever are mine.

Baptized with Him, put to death in him,

Given new life in Him, Not I who live—but Christ!

Christ beneath and before. On my right and left.

My God is not abstract.

He entered into my matter-covered reality

So I could enter into Him.

Gone are my chains of working harder, being “better.”

Jesus is mine. I am in Him as He is in

The Father. Not hiding behind the cross.

Not unknown—known in flesh, and blood, and bone.

Realer than I could ever imagine.

Here I Come, Once Again

There was a time when I ambitiously thought that I would be consistent about my writing here. It is not surprising really that this endeavor has more or less dropped off of the map. Does this reflect some inner reality that I am truly not good at seeing anything through? Going that direction, it would be easy to conclude that I am some sort of failure on some terms. The last time that anything was written on this somewhat introspective blog was January. That was almost a year ago now. And while it would be all fine and good to wax poetic about all of the changes that have happened, and the moments that are gone, I would much prefer to dwell on what is here and now. I want to focus on the tangible. 

Understanding comes over time. Lots, and lots, and lots of time. It is what makes a lot of living more exciting and real. If we always knew the answer to every moment that breaks against the shore of experience, we would be cursed to the dull motions of monotony. But I didn't come back here in order to point out the obvious. Rather, I want to quietly make my mark. 

That is the reason for this space, isn't it? I write so that I will be able to be heard, and understood, and loved. I am terrified of being inadequate, and I hate the idea of fading into obscurity. And there is something fundamentally wrong with that. The fact of the matter is, my searing individualism misses the point that the truths of the Kingdom of Heaven are totally paradoxical to the ideas I have fit into my skull. We are called to be less, so that Christ would be elevated. It is a subtle irony that I am still writing this with the intent of allowing others to read. Stick with me. I am bringing this one home. 

As I discover who I am as the creative individual that God has created me to be, I find that as a bearer of the divine image, I feel wonderfully inadequate. As a matter of fact, that is exactly what I am. I am totally unworthy of having the Ruler of the universe not only model me after Himself, but then give me the new Spirit of Himself in me. I have been changed from someone unworthy, to someone who is wholly other; it is just another example of God's divine paradox. 

Therefore, I write, because I want to be heard, and I want to be known. The beautiful thing is that I have been, and will continue to be, by my Lord and Savior. And although time runs away from me, and I forget that this space even exists, I will always reflect these musings back to the Spring of Knowledge and Creativity.